I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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