I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
