She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
