so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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