shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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