what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
