I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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