last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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