If that was your dad, he is hot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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