Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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