we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
