you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
