Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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