I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
