Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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