He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
