Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
