O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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