Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
