you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
