Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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