It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
