im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
