my vag is so smooth its legendary
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
