Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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