Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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