she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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