I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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