its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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