Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
try to milk me bitch
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