It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
