Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
