New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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