Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
