Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
