I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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