Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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