Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
