Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
