u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
