No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize