I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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