if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
