You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
