after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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