How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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