when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
