I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
