is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
