So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize