they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
