Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
