saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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