What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
