How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dignity is for republicans.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
