I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize