Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
