After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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