fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The adults are the big ones right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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