I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
