so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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