I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
