Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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