Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize