i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
