I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize