Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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