We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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