Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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