i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
