God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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