captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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