look no pants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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