I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
420 ftw
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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