Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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