Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
