You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
