so that wasnt chicken after all
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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