so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize