i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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