i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
